COMIC BOOK TRAILER DISSECTION....

So a bunch of Comic Book movie trailers released in the past few days. I had waited for EACH of them eagerly, with bated breath, and look what I got; a shitsap, a lotr wannabe and CGI animated nerdgasm.
Let me start with the shitsap AKA the Green Lantern Trailer.

I know RIGHT! What the fucking hell was that? Green Lantern isn't supposed to be Iron Man. He ain't some pampered billionaire playboy who gets fucked by almost every girl he passses by, the Lantern is an interplanetary cop who relies on willpower and faith to power the ring. What I just saw felt like the fucking Iron Man. FUCK IRON MAN! The Dark Knight was the way to go, but no, we got a fucking Iron Man'd Green Lantern and an apocalyptic letdown that was liked by AICN's HEADGEEK and those pathetic shitsaps at ComicBookMovie.com. And just look at Ryan fucking Renolds, he'd be a shitty Deadpool too. But he is an extremely shitty Green Lantern. And with the mask on he looks just fucking dreadful. They could have cast Ben Stiller for all I know.


"I know, RIGHT!!!" Fuck you.




Up next, something watchable. THOR

Looks epic, right. Nope. It won't be. Coz you've been "a bad and greedy boy." Are you fucking serious? This shit wouldn't have worked even on a little kid's picture book. But hey, Thor does look great. Just look at the Destroyer kicking some ass. Loki is spot on. But I'm worried about Odin. He just doesn't seem right. But it's Anthony Hopkins, so it has to be good, right. I so hope it doesn't suck. FUCK YOU, MARTIN CAMPBELL for ruining GL.



Next comes gold. And this one isn't a movie trailer. It's a trailer for the upcoming ARKHAM CITY.

Don't be surprised if you just jizzed your pants. That was my reaction too. HUGO FUCKING STRANGE! Just look at that guy, did you ever think he was gonna BE THIS BADASS?! And the CGI, I think its safe to say that we have crossed the uncanny valley. Just look at that cop's reactions to the injections, BATMAN FIGHTING. It all fits, it all makes complete sense. And it looks fucking epic. SO BRING ON ARKHAM CITY!

SUPERMAN/BATMAN #77 REVIEW

They make such a cute couple don't they?

So this one was a Halloween special, maybe the best one this year. Superman/Batman has been somewhat bleak since Bruce Wayne left Gotham for his time travelling adventures back in 2009's FINAL CRISIS, so the writers have been beating around the bush because the team was broken and gone and as a result most of the Superman/Batman issues were not about Superman OR Batman. And this one's no different. It's a one shot team up of the current universe Supergirl and Damian Wayne (the current Robin). The story is not amazing, it just feels like a little incident set during halloween. And the artwork isn't that groundbreaking, its just right. So what makes this issue readable and enjoyable? Damian and Supergirl's amazing chemistry. Their chemistry makes you chuckle and smile and appreciate the odd pairing and to top it all, Josh Williamson puts in a Supergirl v/s Robin scene as well. And Damian Wayne rules. 3/5.

Vampires suck, they really do.

VAMPIRES have been an object of fantasy ever since this object of fantasy was thought about. The vampire frenzy started with Count Dracula and the Nosferatu, two classics which fail to diminish from our culture. Over the years the concept of Vampires has been fucked about, molested and totally raped by Hollywood into a pathetic mess of chick flicks and action thrillers like the somewhat tolerable exploits of the sexy vampire Selene in Underworld to the downright annoying Stephanie Meyer shitsap that is Twilight. Oh, don't get me started about Twilight. It's the only thing that annoys me more than the comedy in the Harry Pothead flicks. Twilight has totally raped the horror and wonder of the Vampire lore into a pathetic movie with a sick sense of romance. And the people love it. It is beyond me why people INDULGE in Twilight, which is primarily a movie about a bitch who bitches about things who falls in love with a vampire who fights a werewolf who looks like Sharkboy and has to take his shirt off every five minutes or so for no reason whatsoever. I hate Twilight fans. If you are a Twilight fan, my only message to you will be "fuck off". And because of Twilight fans, vampirism has entered the world of comics and that ain't a good thing.

X-MEN v/s VAMPIRES. I know, I know, what the fuck does that even mean. Apparently the X-Men, Namor and Blade are now fighting the supernatural. Whoa. Wow. I am so excited. NOT. So, I picked up X-Men #1 hesitantly and read through it. Believe me, it sucked. But for some misplaced loyalty to X-Men, I started picking up every subsequent issue. But hey, the writing is good and it's way better than shit called Twilight. But the overall story feels stupid and a mere ploy to get Vampire fans to get a hold of this comic. And its not only the mutants who have to fight the Vampire menace, in the Ultimate Universe, the newly formed black ops team Avengers have to face off against these supernatural forces as well. And this one sucks balls. Any comic written by Mark Millar is expected to be classy, but this one is downright boring and bullshit and only keeps us hooked to it because of the crazy twists in the story. Its like a Nolan film without the amazing dialogues, without any tension and definitely without ANY emotion and thats not a compliment. The first two volumes of Ultimate Avengers were amazing. Volume two had supernatural elements but was done amazingly well and it remains one of my favorite Millar comics of all time. But everything gets screwed up with Volume three, coz the vampire storyline doesnt pick up much heat, and the artwork is not as edgy as a Millar comic deserves. So it totally sucks. 

VAMPIRES aren't meant to be screwed with. The folklore should not be tweaked and reduced to chick flick material. Vampires should be what they were meant to be : brooding, dark creatures of the night who can scare the living hell out of you and suck you dry; not the eight pack abbed shit we have reduced them to.